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  • Writer's pictureMeggi

Pig, Dog, and Turkey

Updated: Jul 31, 2023

Entertaining anatomy to discover the origin of the Holy Saints of the Orthodox Church, and its popes.


Before proceeding to a description of the most interesting biographies and genealogies of the most holy Orthodox Church - serial murderers Vyacheslav Kirillovich Ivankov and Gennady Karkov, and diving into the topic of how it is even possible that a serial killer, the Angarsk maniac Popkov, led the Old Orthodox Church, and in the Russian Orthodox Church a Kazakh, a serial killer Mongol, who was replaced in his post by a Jap of the same quality, stood at the head, one should dwell on the reasons for this phenomenon.



For decades, the grateful flock of the Russian Orthodox Church has been fed (withdrawn cash in exchange for dubious pleasures and fraudulent fables) by serial killers, rapists, pedophiles and cannibals dressed in a priest's cassock, in front of which even the police were shy. The very assumption that some of our patriarchs is not very patriarch with his own army of the “Sorok Sorokov” lads, in the eyes of those who sat on the needle of Orthodox chants and rolls from the monastery refectories, looked so blasphemous that they could simply tear his face to pieces. In general, the seven-year observation of the hangouts of believers in Orthodox churches led to dramatic conclusions regarding the dynamics of the aggression of believers who, with their fists and kicks, make their way to communion and in line for confession. However, from the serial killers Gena-Worm and Sergey-Spider, fed on sermons, one should not have expected anything else.


The list of serial characters in cassocks, of course, is much larger. And any sane person has the first question - why did no one notice this for decades? The second and third questions - how, and, in fact, the brigades of the organized crime group dressed as one as monks, of course, very interesting. But in order to answer them, you need to familiarize yourself with the answer to the first question - why no one noticed.


In the city of Moscow, on Danilovsky Val, stands the Danilovsky Monastery. In the Cathedral of the Holy Fathers of 7 Ecumenical Church Councils, on the second floor, in the left aisle, on the sole, there is a large metal sarcophagus. On the lid of the sarcophagus, an image of a man is made by embossing. On the man's body there is a small glazed compartment in which four objects of an unknown nature are stored, resembling smoked bones. One of the bones is a well smoked turkey bone.


There is an inscription on the sarcophagus: Saint Prince Daniel of Moscow. The glass in which unknown bones, together with the turkey, are assembled into a pretty muzzle, and even turned in the opposite direction, is invited to kiss to receive the grace of the holy spirit. With a turkey bone, the sarcophagus smiles invitingly, as if telling us - hey, don't be afraid! I'm a good bone smiley!


In the human body, there are about two hundred bones described in anatomical atlases. The bones from which the face of Prince Daniel was assembled are not in the anatomical atlas of the human body. One may not know that the burial place of the prince is unknown, and that his corpse disappeared in an unknown direction, along with all the bones without exception. But what, no one has ever eaten a chicken? Nobody had biology at school? Or is everyone's brain amputated at baptism? Well, if people seriously took the smoked clavicle bone of a turkey for the relics of Prince Daniel, whose body has long been lost, where can they understand the intricacies of forensic anthropology and identification, with the help of which it is not very difficult to figure out who where swooped from werewolves in cassocks. Believers could not distinguish the bones of a turkey from the bones of a human for several decades. How could they then see the difference between the bones of a human forearm and a dog's rib? Without noticing the difference between a turkey, a dog, and a man, it is obvious that finding a much less noticeable difference between a werewolf and a man turned out to be an insoluble task for them. Well, they didn’t notice that Gena-Worm reads sermons to them, and their son Tonka the machine-gunner, a serial killer who, according to archival data, has more than 1500 corpses, takes communion. Well, they kissed the bones of a turkey like the bones of a holy human. Well, now what will you do.


However, game was not the only source of supplies of holy relics. It is not difficult to distinguish a turkey from a person. But even this, as we now know, causes difficulties for the population. With tours of other shrines, the situation is a little more complicated. In the sense that the similarity of the bones of an animal donor and a person was a little less noticeable.


As we all know, in the human body there is such a thing as ribs. And these ribs have a very specific form and structure. In addition to humans, a bunch of other vertebrates have ribs. Turkeys also have ribs (we warn you in advance that a turkey has other bones besides the collarbone). And the cows. And the pigs. And in dogs. And a bunch of other amazing creatures. But here's the hitch - these same ribs, they all have different sizes, different shapes and angles of curvature. It is very difficult to pass off the rib of a dog or a pig as a human rib. But a piece of a pig's rib for a piece of a human's rib is quite possible.

The legend of the miracle of the holy spirit emanating from the relics tells us from the sermons of the Angarsk tractor driver Sylvester Popkov, Yaponchik, Mongol, Gena-Worm, and Seryoga-Spider that "relics saints are imperishable." That is, the human body must be in its original form, untouched by decay and decomposition. We remind you that human bones have a certain color and structure. There are no dark brown bones with rotten areas in the human body. Therefore, they are not maybe in incorruptible holy relics.


In 2017, "the relics of Nicholas the Wonderworker" were brought to Russia. The relics were an impressive golden-colored sarcophagus, decorated simply and without frills in the "expensive and rich" style. And in the sarcophagus lay something dark brown. This item was called by the ministers of the church as "the rib of St. Nicholas." However, the shape that the bone had was not like a human rib. The bend, thickness and shape of the bone looked like a piece of the rib of a pig, or, at worst, a large dog. During the tour of smoked pork ribs in Russia, more than 2 million people kissed it.


The clavicle of a turkey and a pork rib are not limited to relics containing the grace of the holy spirit.


On February 5, 2015, the right hand of the Great Martyr Dmitry of Thessalonica arrived from Greece to Russia, the place of burial of which is not known for certain. It is pleasant that through the years, in the absence of a body, the whole hand of the great warrior miraculously turned out to be incorruptible.


The imperishable severed hand of Dmitry Thessalonica, according to the Russian Orthodox Church and the supplier of holy relics from Greece, was a metal box, with metal chasing in the shape of a hand. In this hand, a small glass window was made, similar to a cute face with a cold-smoked turkey bone, offered to the public as the relics of the disappeared body of Prince Daniel of Moscow. The window was in the forearm. In the window were two well-smoked pieces of bone, the shape and size of which preclude any possibility that the two pieces were ever part of the bones of a human forearm. The shape of the pieces looked more like parts of a dog's ribs.


The bones of a turkey, a dog and a pig, as sources of the holy spirit, to which millions of people venerated, did not cause a shadow of doubt in anyone about their authenticity. Ashot's decoration in a golden sarcophagus with Orthodox symbols of smoked ribs and bones from shawarma produces only one miracle - the miracle of stupidity. It is enough to put a turkey collarbone in a golden box with an Orthodox cross and write "Holy Blessed Prince Daniel," and the smoked turkey collarbone instantly in the eyes of believers becomes the human bone of the lost body of Prince Daniel.


The golden sarcophagus, the Orthodox cross, and the symbolism of the Russian Orthodox Church allowed serial killers to exist for decades in the uniform of priests, thanks to one misconception: a monstrous misconception that everything connected with the church is holy and sinless, and therefore all priests are holy and sinless like angels at once.


This delusion is based on the ignorance of the townsfolk and the usual logical errors in interpreting the actions of the clergy. Few people know about the tens of thousands of cases of pedophilia committed by clergy, about how the church was used for drug trafficking and smuggling, ritual serial killings and cannibalism. This is not at all the latest story was hidden from society not behind the cassocks of priests. This story has the age older than Jesus Christ. But, did nobody have a history study at school? Rather, seeing a turkey and calling a spade a spade was hindered by society's own wishful thinking, ignorance and pride. As they say, "Oh, it's not difficult to deceive me, I myself am glad to be deceived."


And yet, why was Prince Daniel replaced with a turkey bone, you ask? Because the turkey in English (induyk in Russian) will be "Turkey." And Ridiger is a participant of the Russian-Turkey Wars.

But that's the next part of the history we are talking about.


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